Not much has happened since my last post. I guess with being pregnant applying for that all important first runner job is kind of pointless at present. That doesn't mean I haven't been trying. I've spoken to a few people, I've sent letters and still the same rejects keeping piling up either in my inbox or on my doormat. I wouldn't normally mind but when you actually speak to some one at the company and they tell you to forward them your C.V. It makes you get excited only to then receive a letter or email from someone further down the line who has been passed my information and they always say the same 'we will keep you on file and wish you luck with your search' I wouldn't mind but I've actually spent time on the phone discussing things with people in different departments and I'm left hopeful that something might come out of it only three days later to receive a letter saying thanks but no thanks.

I'm wondering whether I'm destined for such trauma. If this is the problem I'm having securing my first job at the end of the year then I don't hold up much up of getting a second or even a third. I know when they say we'll keep you on file, that usually means the bin or some deep dark hole in the production office. I've tried for two years to be taken seriously by one company and I have some amazing responses only to get to a different department and get told they aren't filming until later in the year. I know this...hence the fact I've been told to get in contact now.

Alas, after three rejections from the same company from three different people I think its time to let my dream die a slow and not so painful death. I mean the worse thing would be actually getting an interview, falling in love with the job and then getting rejected. God, my life would be destroyed! hahaha. It is obviously not meant to be and I hope my husband realises what its probably doing to me.

As for other career aims...I guess I'll see what the end of the year brings. I should have more freedom after October to make my next big decision.

I went to the Media Information Day in London, dragged my friend Hannah along for the experience and just in case it was soooo boring that we wanted to dive into London (which we did). But I was surprised by the variety of cultures, ages, gender and attitudes. I was half expecting 30,000 film geeks, obviously there were a few. But I was surprised to note that it was mostly girls (we rock). I was pleased to feel that I wasn't the only film geek in the building and that girls don't just want to be journalists. Hannah was completely taken in by it and I think she got more out of it than I did not because I didn't want to but because I knew most of it through research and college. I did find that I was maybe five years too late with regard to most of it as I think it was aimed at mostly 18 year olds deciding about uni but it was worth the risk and Hannah and I had a blast in London after getting lost on the train but one thing I would say. There are people who are there to help...and they have been there. I did come out having more of an idea that maybe I am destined to be a Producer after all whether it be for television or film. Even if I did turn my nose up at the beginning towards television. I know now its the experience that counts not the projects.

After that amazing email. I decided to send my C.V to a pile of employers in the hope of catching their attention. I did that and got offered my first role in the media. Its only a shame that I can't take it for the money. The money was good but the hours were bad so it just wasn't worthwhile struggling to pay our mortgage. I'm sure something else will come up next year and at least I know I have it in me.

I woke up in a bad mood this morning. Work was slow and hasn't really improved but oh my god! I was shaking when I read my first email of the morning. Its not everyday that you get an almost life changing email. I won't tell you the details as it probably won't happen anyway but I think the personal note made it extra special.

"On a personal note I would just like to re-assure you that your CV and cover letter are both very good and are of the type that we look out for, so thank you for sending it through to us"

Now you can see why I was shaking. It's like things are really starting to happen. Obviously nothing will happen but the fact that I only sent my CV on Thursday and I got a reply this morning. That's less than a week. I was thinking of ringing him and saying thanks for replying so soon. I mean it can't hurt! There are no body parts that I wouldn't sell for the chance to do what I love! I still haven't returned to the ground yet! The best thing I ever did was re-write my CV and finally get a good cover letter! It took me three weeks to write and another week to send it but its the best decision I ever made...what this space!

It has come to my attention like many people before me and those struggling behind me that somewhere along the line we are all looking for the same thing. What that is I do not know but we all want to secure our first job in the media industry. Whether it be as runners, journalists, DJ's. We all need that ever important break.

I have decided to blog everything from this moment forward in an attempt that one day I can help other people like me who have struggled. It will of course contain info, documents and the occasional rant about the industry in general.

I hope to one day publish this as a journal...it is unfortunate that they never tell you while studying how crap life can be. Lecturers lie to you...'Oh, yeah the industries hard but all your hard work will pay off' I unfortunately was led down the wrong path and have been struggling ever since...