It's that moment in my life again when I realise that certain things don't matter anymore. I know that I never got to work on the Harry Potter movies and while that sucks and is probably something I will never come to terms with, its not exactly the end of the world and I will have other opportunites to work at my dreams. I was thinking back to when I was a teenager and the passion I had for music, I remember wanting to be the next Simon Cowell and that was before he was famous and before the likes of Pop Idol etc but I'd heard of him because he had a reputation of getting things done and had signed some of the best artists of the 90's.
I wanted to work for a record company and that was it, I think I even had a work experience application for Sony, even back then but I knew then that it was above me and as I got older the film industry obsession kicked in but lately I've realised that it would be nice to find a job that combined all three of my passions. 'Music, Events and Television' and have considered that mayeb music promotions is the way to go but I'd have to return to university which is what I want to do anyway and I'm hoping that I can get work experience at a label or a graduate scheme after I finish. I know its a long shot but I can't sit back anymore and just be happy with what I've got. I was meant for great things and I'm got going to spend my life working for some crappy company because its easy, I want to see a bit of the world and experience new things. Its time I started living!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
All I want for Christmas (hahaha) is an amazing job with equally amazing people! It's scary to think that I left school nine years ago and that this time nine years ago I was embarking on would become quite an obsession of mine...the film industry.
Why won't it leave me alone. I've had lots of months to process my future but I turn 26 soon, its not like I'm a entry type person. I love my life (most of the time) but sometimes I just wish I could go back, start again and go to university in London and study film. I know its stupid to say that now but I watch my favourite programmes (currently One Tree Hill) and I think to myself this could be my dream, this could be me standing on a rainy set doing what I'd always dreamed.
I had the chance you know. Back in February I had a phone call that would ultimately change my life! I got offered work experience for 4 weeks with the BBC. I was due to spend the month of May working on The Dragons Den and I was sooooo excited by alas it was not meant to be as I couldn't afford the four weeks off work and I have since applied again and been rejected. I guess it I believed in God that he would be shaking his head at me 'I gave you the chance, I really did!' I can't help but think that it could have opened so many doors, even small windows would have maybe led to a full time staff job somewhere else. I have obviously applied for the 3rd time and I am hoping that it might not be for as long as four weeks. I want to do it!
I feel like screaming! 'Please, just give me this...this one moment!'
I spend far to much time moaning about what I don't have but I can't forget that dream I had even before Alana was born, before I even knew that she was a girl. I was barely pregnant when I dreamt that I got a job with Warner Bros. All the major cast of Harry Potter were doing a read through and I was called in to stand in as one of the characters (can't remember which). They were taking a break and Emma (Watson) asked to see a picture of my daughter and out popped Alana. She's nearly two I explain and from that moment I've felt it. I've felt that unless I take this chance in years to come I will be telling my children what I could of down rather than what I DID do and there is a big difference.
I wonder if I'm the only person right now wishing/praying that I could be given a chance. I want it soooo badly that I'm almost obsessed with it.
I've been to the studios you know, I went for an admin role at 'Birds and Animals' which is located on the set. I was shaking most of the drive and I had to sit in the security office waiting for my pass with a woman from Warner Bros and her daughter and girls appearing for work experience. I wanted to scream 'what about me'.
It was being filmed when I was there and I loved that feeling. I could see the building and I couldn't stop the butterflies, the feeling was crippling. Obviously they felt I wasn't experience enough so I didn't get the job but I suppose these things happen for a reason. I was watching 'In the pursuit of happiness' a few days ago and at the end when he gets the job he's overcome with emotion because he's achieved so much. That is how I'd feel. I don't think Nick could ever understand how that feels to struggle for so long and then finally be THAT person. He says he does but I think he hasn't wanted anything that bad since Alana.
My contract runs out in February and by then I would like a more permanent role by then. I think it will be time to move on and see a bit more of the world while England at least (hehehe).
Why won't it leave me alone. I've had lots of months to process my future but I turn 26 soon, its not like I'm a entry type person. I love my life (most of the time) but sometimes I just wish I could go back, start again and go to university in London and study film. I know its stupid to say that now but I watch my favourite programmes (currently One Tree Hill) and I think to myself this could be my dream, this could be me standing on a rainy set doing what I'd always dreamed.
I had the chance you know. Back in February I had a phone call that would ultimately change my life! I got offered work experience for 4 weeks with the BBC. I was due to spend the month of May working on The Dragons Den and I was sooooo excited by alas it was not meant to be as I couldn't afford the four weeks off work and I have since applied again and been rejected. I guess it I believed in God that he would be shaking his head at me 'I gave you the chance, I really did!' I can't help but think that it could have opened so many doors, even small windows would have maybe led to a full time staff job somewhere else. I have obviously applied for the 3rd time and I am hoping that it might not be for as long as four weeks. I want to do it!
I feel like screaming! 'Please, just give me this...this one moment!'
I spend far to much time moaning about what I don't have but I can't forget that dream I had even before Alana was born, before I even knew that she was a girl. I was barely pregnant when I dreamt that I got a job with Warner Bros. All the major cast of Harry Potter were doing a read through and I was called in to stand in as one of the characters (can't remember which). They were taking a break and Emma (Watson) asked to see a picture of my daughter and out popped Alana. She's nearly two I explain and from that moment I've felt it. I've felt that unless I take this chance in years to come I will be telling my children what I could of down rather than what I DID do and there is a big difference.
I wonder if I'm the only person right now wishing/praying that I could be given a chance. I want it soooo badly that I'm almost obsessed with it.
I've been to the studios you know, I went for an admin role at 'Birds and Animals' which is located on the set. I was shaking most of the drive and I had to sit in the security office waiting for my pass with a woman from Warner Bros and her daughter and girls appearing for work experience. I wanted to scream 'what about me'.
It was being filmed when I was there and I loved that feeling. I could see the building and I couldn't stop the butterflies, the feeling was crippling. Obviously they felt I wasn't experience enough so I didn't get the job but I suppose these things happen for a reason. I was watching 'In the pursuit of happiness' a few days ago and at the end when he gets the job he's overcome with emotion because he's achieved so much. That is how I'd feel. I don't think Nick could ever understand how that feels to struggle for so long and then finally be THAT person. He says he does but I think he hasn't wanted anything that bad since Alana.
My contract runs out in February and by then I would like a more permanent role by then. I think it will be time to move on and see a bit more of the world while England at least (hehehe).
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